Alex's story:

2007 - It had been a big year; I had resigned from my police officer job in The Netherlands; I had travelled to India; fallen in love in Thailand; moved home to the UK; and was now studying at a university in London.

Antony (my Thailand love) and I spent the long summer break in Bali. Out of personal and professional interest, I visited Bumi Sehat in Ubud, a natural birth clinic that a wonderful Filipino/American lady, Robin, had set up years before. The centre allows local women to bring their babies into this world safely and gently.

With the first year of my health sciences degree in the pocket, I was thrilled they were happy for me to help in the clinic. I assisted Bobbi, an acupuncturist who treated about fifty patients daily in her semi-outdoor, multi-bed clinic. I also had the opportunity to treat some patients with musculoskeletal issues independently.

With permission, I entered a room where a lady was birthing one afternoon. The room was part of the clinic, which wasn't more than a simple building with a couple of rooms. This one smelled of sweet incense, was darkened, and filled with four women gently chanting this newborn into the world. There was warm air, a sense of trust, and a certain softness in the room I had not felt before. I recognised the Sanskrit song they sang, but their pronunciation was different. We welcomed a baby girl into the world most lovingly and graciously within the hour. I felt touched, humbled, and grateful to be there and for life itself in this moment of awe.

It must have only been a few weeks after Antony said, "We've travelled the world and lived in different countries, but what we haven't done is the biggest transformation possible". I knew he was asking me if I wanted a baby, which I thought was hilarious. We'd agreed not to have children as I had always believed having children wasn't for me. Additionally, I didn't think I was fertile.

Nevertheless, Ant's question had planted a seed, so I went to see Bobbi, and when she said it would be difficult at age 39, it somehow surprised me. She suggested doing a few things and putting some needles in to support the process.

With many alternative therapies in Ubud, I went for hydro colonic irrigation, a crazy 10-day broth fast. I upped my yoga practice (after my fast) before returning home to the UK.

Back home, there were no doubts about wanting to get pregnant. The only thing that held me back was the gynaecologist telling me to wait 'trying' and heal first from two necessary colposcopies. It gave me time to take supplements, chart my cycles, eat healthier food, exercise, and continue my yoga practice. We felt thrilled and scared when we saw two lines appearing in the third month of 'trying'.

As part of the degree, it was fortunate that the topic of reproduction came up. I, circumstances considered, felt motivated to learn all about it to the degree that my peers noticed and started asking questions.

Living in Brighton – with its accepting nature of an alternative approach to health – a midwife helped me arrange a home birth and a birthing pool. I went full term without health issues and started contracting at 40 weeks +5.

Three days (and nights) later, I held my baby girl in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm and a cut on my tummy. My baby girl was gorgeous and healthy, and I felt very grateful. She had just turned me into a mum. I also felt hurt and traumatised. I felt misunderstood, judged, and mistreated by some nurses. I blamed myself and my body for being unable to do 'it'.

I struggled to have a baby and go to London for my lectures and gave up going until September of the following year. Two years later, when I was heavily pregnant with our second baby, I finally started writing my dissertation -researching the influence of obesity on fertility.

Before giving birth, I had a chance to share my birth story with a 2nd-timers-NCT-group that a wonderful lady led. She listened to me and said: "Your body did exactly what it needed to do. It protected you and your baby. You didn't feel safe enough to bring this baby into the world. Your body contracted and wouldn't let go". Tears ran down my cheeks as I felt acknowledged for my old pain.

This closure helped me trust myself and my body to naturally give birth to my boy. It is this trust that I carry with me. It allows me to check in, listen, adapt and flow wherever life's plan takes me. It has given me direction, strength and resilience; it helps me support others when they need to find their way back to health.

We are all here to empower and hold each other's hands and backs.

So much love,

AleX